I thought of sending you an old thought
one I have been carrying on my back
It continues to reappear in different forms,
but it’s the very same as it always was
and it always appears when you show me
your disinterest, your indifference.
This thought is so needy,
it can’t camouflage its pain,
even wrapped in light mirth and sarcasm
it bleeds before your eyes
it makes a fool of itself
and then… of course,
you get up to run away.
Remembering it takes a million years
to make a diamond out of coal…
It takes a thousand scenes
watching you and all the likes of you
walking out the door,
I reconsidered sending this time-bomb
of self-destruction and instead,
put my arms around your neck
“How was your day?”
September 15, 2018
Another thoughtful gem from Karima! I am sure many will recognize themselves here. A painful place. A place full of ambivalence. A place full of earning and fear. This is what cruelty looks like And this is the cost to ones who do suffer in silence. This poem captures this agony all too well. Part of life and growth here is to learn how not to injure others. How to be respectful to others. And how our words can injure others. If we probably wouldn’t treat our enemies this way-why treat our “loved ones” this way? I’m sure this poem operates on other levels, as well, but this begs for amplification. You are a truth-telling gem, dear lady. This is what scars look like!
Thank you Ronald for your thoughtful comment. I think if we should try to learn anything in this life, it is to learn from our past mistakes, and hopefully become conscious of our interactions..the effects we have on others. To actually think before we speak, is not that easy, as we all know, and yet just doing that at times, can avoid an argument or a negative outcome. When I turned 30, I had an awareness to ask myself this question, What is really important to me now? To win this argument/discussion or to just have a nice evening together….When I became conscious of what I really wanted, I avoided going off into tangents that would just prolong a futile and most of the time silly argument…Yes if we love someone, respect is a major part of that love..and being more conscious is a very important part of the whole.
Mercy, this piece evokes that dark web of emotion that festers beneath the surface where many try to pretend it does not exist… until in the ‘moment’ it bubbles over into conscious thought and demands a decision be made; will I speak on it or not? It takes a maturity that isn’t measured by years but by experiences that level up or level down relationships along such a wide spectrum of emotional states relative to the consequences of our actions. To refrain appears to some as no action at all, when in fact it is one of the hardest, painful, graceful and selfless ‘acts’ to accomplish. Extremely deep, brought tears to my eyes as my mind delved into past instances. Careful with that poetic magic wand, woman!
Oh Sissy Diz…. What a comment!! I loved it because it showed me you totally get it from inside and out, and have your own stories to tell about the matter. I agree, this falls on the wisdom spectrum…and you only get it, as you say, through experience, through going through it…so many times, failing, yet every now and then, we get what I call “Lucid Living”moments, where we can stop ourselves and think and weigh the situation, the possible outcomes, with a clarity that normally escapes us 99% of the time… You know I have a million scenes of when I got it wrong, parading through my mind, ah…but when we get it right..It’s amazing…like being The Wonder Woman of emotional encounters!! Big Hugs sissy, and by the way, my muse made me write this, honestly I did not have it in my head until I after I typed the first half line:)