Way Too Bright…

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Everyone tells me
to stand up on my feet…
My pale face and dark cloud space
is bringing them down to blue
Oops!…did I get some on you?
Well…I’m working on it..
I’m coming back from the dead
I’m pulling it together
I’m stapling my head
I can’t seem to push myself
out into the daylight
Into those colored moving shapes
way too brightway too bright...
The night light talks to me;
It gallops over my walls so freely.
Pretty cotton candy ponies
rotate round and round
as I sit in the dark,
just about one foot under the ground.

Everyone says…
a month heals everything!
A broken heart, a world torn apart
in 30 days….
it’s back together again.
My life seems to work in a different way
Mine crawls in the cracks
flat-lines on its back
like a jelly fish, it wiggles on a dish
spineless, helpless, viscous,
without even realizing
how unappetizing… how uninviting.
Could stay in bed forever
Just watching my dreams.
Could never come downstairs again;
Who would notice? Who would even see?
I don’t feel like taking another breath
but this body keeps on making me.
The night light talks to me
It gallops over my walls so freely
Pretty cotton candy ponies
rotate round and round
as I sit in the dark,
just about one foot under the ground.

Karima Hoisan
October 24, 2021
Costa Rica
*Footnote….I am not in such a dark place at the moment..
my muse just went on the dark side a bit…it’s been a long time
since I let those horses run.

 

 

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Drive! A Randt & Hoisan Production

I want to share with you, the latest and last Randt & Hoisan Production.
It would be the 29th film Nat and I made together. We worked on it for more than 2 years off and on, because of Nat’s deteriorating health.
She had hopes that after her surgery, she would be able to finish it…but she passed away before that could happen.
All the scenes were shot by Nat and some of the first part was also edited by her….then the last 2 minutes were dark. I didn’t have her footage, just some I kept, but I felt it important, to finish it for her..for us. I believe she would have wanted that. I hope you enjoy, Drive!
Fullscreen & HD and the sound up!  Feel free to put a Like or comment on YouTube too:)
This one’s for you Nat!

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Dissolving & Becoming


It has been weeks since I posted or been a good community member,  and I am sorry for that, but I have been working very hard on building a sim-wide memorial for Natascha. It is still not ready, but hopefully will be done in another 2 weeks and hopefully I will be back reading and writing on WordPress. I did shoot this humble video there, where I used video texturing on the avatars. The result and a few small scenes in the background can be seen in this “wordless poem” as Dale describes it. I hope you enjoy it. I tried to capture that energy body I believe exists…even after death..Ahhh to be able to reach out and make that connection…one more time.
Much love,
Karima

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The Cemetery Far Away

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David Friedrich- The Cemetery Entrance

The Cemetery Far Away
for Natascha

I’m writing letters to you in dreams
I am making movies too,
It’s so one-sided, just my voice,
I only hear me speaking… never you..

I am talking to wolves in my sleep,
who tell me, they have nothing to eat.

I am feeling this winter will be cold
the clouds eat up the pale days
Here it’s always warm and rainy
but I sense the rain will turn to haze.

They say today, they’ll finally put you in the ground.
It’s so hard to imagine you, enclosed, being lowered down.

I’m processing the process as I speak
The days are so much longer, than before
and yet I seem to get less done, hour after hour
I just need you to answer me again, once more.

They say today, they’ll finally put you in the ground.
I try not to imagine you, enclosed, being lowered down.

I’m writing letters to you in my dreams
I am making movies too,
It’s so one-sided, just my voice,
I only hear me speaking… never you.

I am talking to wolves in my sleep,
who tell me, they have nothing to eat.

It’s just hard to imagine you at all in your real life
I never saw your town, your house, your smile
I never got to hear your Germain humor or your voice,
how can I picture you today, being carried down that aisle?

They say today, so far away, they’ll put you in the ground.
It’s too hard to imagine you, enclosed, being lowered down.

Karima Hoisan
September 22, 2021
Costa Rica

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How Can You Come To Me?

Screen Shot 2021-09-17 at 12.39.29 PM

How can you come to me?
If I never even heard your voice
call my name?
Will you come in a written chat,
imposed over the clouds,
or across the scrim
of my closed eyes?

Will your words just enter me
without words, so I feel
you are here now?
In silence.. I will just know?
Will you come to me as a warrior,
a slick hip city girl,
my precious little “Natskies “
peeking around corners,

going round n round?

What role will you be wrapped in
or maybe not in actor form..
just Mein Direktor,,
escorting me to my place?
Asking me to sit here please,
and in your very Nat-way,
when I say, “Oh Nat I miss you”
just wink and answer, “I knew you’d say that”

Karima Hoisan
September 17, 2021
Costa Rica

*Footnote The image is taken from one of our videos,
Where Nat played my daughter: https://youtu.be/pHJOJH0gWDw 

 

 

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For Natascha

Creativity in grief, has always been a way of dealing with pain and loss.
5 unrelated things happened for this simple little visual poem to come alive.
1.I shot my bedroom window in the wind on my iphone…
2. I wrote the poem, the night of Nat’s passing… (which you saw here)
3.I composed a simple melody on the piano…
4.I was given a “Mirror room” by Sylvira Halcyon in Second LIfe
and so  I danced in front of it and filmed it.
5.I recorded the poem…
I hope you find it worthy to put it all together….For Natascha.

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Tribute For Natascha Randt at MachinimaMondays

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Yesterday, Chantal Harvey, renowned machinima maker in  Second Life, prepared the setting for a very moving tribute for our beloved Natascha.
40 people attended and the audience at many moments was as affected as I was. There was something special in the air, it was palpable people were emotional and expressive. I had to turn off my microphone several times, overcome, seeing our past works, displayed on the big screen, and read the outpouring  of amazement and admiration for what we were showing..
 For Randt & Hoisan, it is the end of an era..it is the close of an unusual creative partnership, that might come (with luck) once in a lifetime. For me personally, the close of an incredible friendship, that spanned 28 videos and almost 10 years,
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I know the perception is changing about “the validity” of the virtual. Before it was seen as pure escapism, a silly hobby, a place for losers (they once said on The Office) a fantasy world, pixelated cartoons, a game, but….. oh my look again….!
Our virtual world brought two creative people together from opposite sides of the Atlantic Ocean, and let them meet each other, begin to work together, grow and develop together as serious machinima artists and change two people so different in so many ways, into The Team.. .. that is what Nat called us! That is what everybody called us! They even called us, The Dream Team:)and that is what we became.
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The people who came are real people.. with real feelings and that was felt so strongly by everyone there.
We were saying good bye to a legend, who left an incredible legacy, her own and also with me. This event was proof, that virtual worlds are so much more than a game. People commented in chat while I was speaking… it was a sublime and beautiful, very moving moment at times..

I will include the livestream on YouTube.
It is long , so feel free to watch it in parts. It went over an hour and 20 minutes.
Our host, Chantal was so amazing and accommodating and compassionate.. She allowed me to improvise, change the program and just talk about what I was moved to say. I am forever grateful for her kind heart and her very touching reaction to the event too.
I have no words to express my gratitude for being invited to honor, my friend, my creative soulmate, one of the greats in Second Life and anywhere, Natascha Randt.

  • Thank you Alba Rocca for these photos.

    Goodbye Nat…
    I will miss you and miss you and miss you day after day after day after day……
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Tribute for Natascha Randt Monday, Sept. 13th 1pm slt

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This Monday, September 13th, I have been invited to speak about Natascha, as an innovative and prolific filmmaker of Second Life, truly one of the greats of our virtual world.
Chantal Harvey, who heads the group, MachinimaMondays in Second Life,
invited me to talk about Nat, our movies we made together and her passions as a filmmaker, with her group of machinima makers. Chantal kindly let me invite all who might be interested, and I expect we will have quite a crowd at this event.

I feel this is still a bit early for me to be speaking in public, but I do it to help honor Nat’s memory as a woman who made a mark in the virtual world of machinima.
I feel truly privileged to be asked to do this, and with all the love and pride for Nat, I will be showing 5 of our own videos (Randt & Hoisan) and one of her many plane videos in her massive YouTube Channel of over 500 videos!! Take time and explore her channel when you can!
I will use Nat’s own words to discuss her process and our process in taking an idea and starting from scratch and seeing it as a finished machinima on YouTube.
All those reading this who have an avatar, please join us.

Where: MachinimaMondays  Click to get a  url
When: Monday, September 13th, 2021
Time: 1pm SLT or (PST) to 2pm SLT
I hope you can make it and if you can’t, Chantal told me it would be live streamed
so it will be available on YouTube at anytime.

I will be giving out beautiful votive candles made lovingly by Menubar Memorial to those who attend.  I invite you to visit at any time a humble memorial dedicated to Natascha, that I have erected on our sim,
LINC Memorial   (click the link)
You can rez and leave a flower or a candle, something you feel is appropriate and sit quietly and listen to the wind-chimes, the wind, the birds and remember Natascha in life.
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I will write below again, the poem, I left as a comment, for those of you who didn’t read it. It sits on her memorial in Second Life, for anyone there who would like to read it too.

Fly
for my film partner Natascha

The rain feels like a curtain,
closing down our stage.

I’m so numb..but not uncaring
In my frozen way… I am pure sadness
that solidified and can no longer move.

Please don’t confuse my dry eyes
with indifference…
I am not shrugging, I’m flailing; I’m falling.
I’m not strong, I’m a toneless voice,
my tongue in shreds.
Only disbelief is the solder
that holds me together.

Some things are beyond repair
some souls must go
because if they stay
their life…
will be no life at all.

And so when we least
expect it,
they de-materialize
and fly away..
We are left in shock
We are numb or weep
We refuse to accept
they’re gone…

but they are free…
Oh, they are free…..

Fly high Nat..the sky always called to you.

Karima

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My Poem”Winter Coat” on MaticadoresUSA

Adriana – Oil on Panel | Artist Jeremiah J. White

My poem, written for my mother, “Winter Coat” is now up on MasticadoresUSA.
I hope you will read it there and visit their beautiful website showcasing so many wonderful, talented poets. I am sorry I am so late in announcing this..I am dealing with grief.
Thank you to MaticadoresUSA and especially to Gabriela Marie Milton for choosing this poem and for being so supportive of me.  It means a lot to me personally.
You can read it here at MasticadoresUSA
Likes and comments much appreciated there:

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Very Sad News

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For those of you who read my blog regularly, you know who Natascha Randt is and was for me.
I have some very sad news…Natascha Randt, my beautiful creative partner and best friend in Second Life..passed away this morning in Germany. She was trying to hold out until Sept 7th, where they would give her an artificial heart, to buy time until she could have a transplant. She was 40 years old. There will never be another like her for me.
I don’t feel I can write much more at the moment…..

Rest in Peace Nat..

This is the very first collaboration we did in 2012 for The UWA Machina Contest.
It was the beginning of a partnership in video making that lasted until today..with 28 completed videos to show for it.
Winner of the 2nd prize of the MACHINIMUWA V and winner of the OPEN THIS END CINEMAPOP AWARD OF EXCELLENCE IN FILM

In Nat’s words:

This is our Costa Rica-Germany-Connection video for the MachinimUWA V challenge: “seek wisdom”. Karima Hoisan and I, we are on a journey to discover where we can find wisdom…

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