In The Window

14 In The Window

           ~*~
This is the Recording I made Live at a Reading in 2010.
I invite you to listen as it was written to be performed to music.
RECORDING of  “IN THE WINDOW

In The Window
(for umahmad)


…and there I am again,  standing in the window
while you walk away.
You glide along the pavement,
smooth,
a tide rolling out to sea,
but how you forgot to tell me,
that this was goodbye
and all that I had treasured and lived 
in these past years, was just a lie.
You forgot to prepare my heart,
and you never set my table
for your plate of loss,
bitter,
tasteless and endless
day after day.

I ate the same thing over and over,
and every meal I felt your missing,
until I lost all hunger,  
lost my joy,
lost my reason,
watching you walk away the day…
the day you forgot to say goodbye.

Years went by,
and how many sighs, how many tears?
The perfume left the flowers, 
the breeze stopped carrying memories.
All that was left to do in this life,  
now disarmed, 
was to lay on the ground and write my poetry;
but no words can paint the desperate deepness of the wounds
that were made that day you walked away,
and said,
“I will be back soon.”

I watched the solid tracks,
derailed in an upheaval, an earthquake,
truth turned upside down
until it looked like a lie.
Oh my other self,
how could you walk down that street,
 
and look back at me waving to you and not feel,
right then,
what you must have known I was about to feel?!
Oh my mated soul how could you not know my pain, 
to watch you disappearing slowly around a bend,
dissolving out of view…..?!

Tears never did clean the sense of being thrown back alone
to
the growls and drawn drapes
of the upstairs bedroom.
Poems strewn out over years…
papers blowing in the air of my unanswered prayers…
Oh my unique, my one, why did you go this way?!
What voice did you hear that drowned out my lover’s call? 
Calling out over the peeling  garden wall,
now running to the gate,
begging you to return and stay,
before it was too late…

All has past and all has changed
and part of you returned one day,
but part of you, never found its way back home…
The one who loved my laugh, my poor Arabic,
and my hand in hers
 as we promenaded the streets,
fresh bread in our bags….
That one never returned!

Oh! Where did she go? the dancer on the rooftops,
with her audience of one, cross-legged, sipping tea
realizing; she had become a part of me.
Why did you leave me this way?
Standing in an open window,
children playing below me in the streets,
imagining what it would feel if you didn’t return,
knowing somehow, this was already happening.
I waved to you;
you looked back and you knew
what I had yet to know,
your path would not cross mine again
for an endless but endless time.
Where are the sounds to put down what was unuttered?
Maybe only the music can play this scene
in the way it must be played,
lamenting from the inside out
of each string,
of each deep note, of each vocal plea…
No curtains in the window anyway,
wide open as I was,
and if I would  have asked you before you slipped away,
could you have changed our fate and stayed?
Do you know how many times I saw it this way? 
by changing  just one day.. my life your life
and all those
caught in our weave,
would have had so much less to grieve?

In the window, my eyes follow the part of me I loved the best,
the soulmate of my reborn days,
healer of my pain, sharer of my beauty, 
you habibiti, the  soul mated to me,
the gift that must never be returned,
the gift that pulled at me until I reached out
to touch the frosted pane, 
Looking through the glass at winter rains,
spring green glow,
dust and sand of summer storms,
year after year,  
searching for that reverse vision,
footsteps in my direction,
the never ending  hope you might return,
in the same way that you left…
but nothing in our life’s album stays the same,
pictures on every page shift and change. 
At some point, we must close the window,

turn ourselves around…. and walk away.

 

Karima Hoisan
Written in 2005 Jordan
Recorded in 2010  SL

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30 Responses to In The Window

  1. Just listened – hypnotic and very moving ❤️👍

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, Karima – I’m deeply amazed by how you write and recite poetry to music. This is heartrending.


    David

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ohh David….thank you so much..Your comment has touched me, as this is a lament very dear to my heart, very personal and yet you felt the emotion too.. Very special for me my friend, that you did..🙏❤️🌹

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ace says:

    Wow Karima, I have to tell you…this piece is seriously amazing. The emotion, the vulnerability, the depth, the beautiful authenticity and the heartfelt love in every word is stunning to read. I always get excited to see your name in my reader as your pieces always resonate in my soul! Marvelously done as always, my friend 🖤🤗

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww thank you so much Ace…Losing someone to disappearance, I think, is almost worse than death… There is no closure,no understanding…and yes it haunted me for years.. Her return , years later, was the new beginning of another impossible story, a journey of a refugee, and ending in a hospice, where closure was finally received. I am wondering if you had a chance to listen to the recording..The singer is Al Raqi as she was, and has such a soulful, voice.. I think my poem and his voice and music become their own blended collage.. Big Hugs Ace, there are no words for how grateful I feel…and how your comment spiced my afternoon with a feeling of truly being blessed to know you❤️🤗🙏🌹

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ace says:

        You’re so welcome. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing…just a few months ago I lost a friend to random disappearance. So I totally understand the emotion here and the complete lack of closure, your words were comforting to read actually. Ah yes, the recording just meshed on a whole other level. So soulful indeed!!! Awwww, I am blessed to know YOU 🤗🖤

        Liked by 1 person

  4. And…I am the one blessed to know you Ace.🤗..I am sorry you could relate on a personal level..but also well…then you “really”know what this poem is saying…❤️❤️❤️

    Like

  5. daleinnis says:

    Beautiful and tragic and deep. The way you combine your words, your voice, and the music, is always amazing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you thank you, Dale!! This moment was a real Life changer for me and it cracked my heart open wide…..and out poured poetry…I think poetry helped me keep my sanity all those years.. Thank you for loving what I do and for being so supportive and helping me pull off my readings too 🙏🙏🙏

      Like

  6. Karima, this is gorgeous, The music, the poem, your voice… WOW. I enjoyed every moment.
    xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Jeff Flesch says:

    Wow. I always feel your poems deeply, dear Karima; yet, this one was felt in such a visceral way through my entire being; from the deep longing and shock, to the final realization. An absolute masterpiece of emotion and beauty, my dear friend. ❤️🌹🙏🦋✨

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Jeff..for feeling this poem in a “visceral”way…Yes it is like that… raw emotions, bubbling up, on the realization that an hour jaunt to the corner market, became almost three years of mystery and not knowing if she were alive or dead..Thank you my friend, for your beautiful words and such an open supportive appreciation, of what I had attempted to do with this very personal poem and emotional trauma almost 16 years ago!❤️🤗🙏🌹🌺🌟

      Liked by 1 person

    • PS I hope you had a chance to play the recording…It is a performance poem..so I hope you could Jeff:)❤️🙏🌹

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jeff Flesch says:

        You’re most welcome, Karima. It is easy for me to dive straight into your lovely words. As a matter of fact, I dove so deep into this poem, I totally forgot about the recording. Thank you for reminding me! How lucky am I to hear you read your lovely poem in your beautiful voice. And, the background music! Beautiful as well. I love it! ❤️😆🙏🥰🌺

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m so happy you did listen to it Jeff..Thank you again, for taking the time and enjoying it with the music..Soo glad you loved it!! ❤️🤗🙏🌹🌟💐

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Diana says:

    ‘In the window, my eyes follow the part of me I loved the best,
    the soulmate of my reborn days,
    healer of my pain, sharer of my beauty’. These words took me to another world, seriously! 💖💖
    Your voice takes me to another galaxy!!! Absolutely magnificent, dear Karima!
    Stay blessed and keep shining your light.. 💖💖💖💖

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awww habeebity,,,your comment made me soar right out of myself too 🙂 Thank you so much for highlighting this line..It really was the core of who she was for me…I lived many years in a very abusive relationship, and if it wouldn’t have been for her presence in my life, I think I would not have lasted as long as I did. She was like a healing angel…and when she left.. I didn’t stay long either. Thank you for listening dear Diana, you are a beautifully sensitive soul!!❤️🤗❤️🙏🌹

      Like

  10. KK says:

    Your deep voice and mesmerising verses took me along your traumatic journey with lovely words, so touching and emotional that you can only write and recite, direct from the bottom of your heart. The background music simply enhanced the overall impact. My thoughts are with you, Karima. Stay blessed 🙏💐💖

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Kaushal for this sensitive and really beautiful comment. As you saw so easily, this did come from “the bottom of my heart” As they say, you can’t make something like this up. One thing this whole experience did do for me, was connect me more than ever with my poetry…It was my lifeline after she disappeared, and I truly believe, kept me sane and at least functioning. Thank you my poetic friend for this sensitive and empathetic comment.❤️🙏🌹

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Lo leí con calma y me pareció excelente. Me encantó. Te felicito. Eres admirable. Saludos y un abrazo. Sigue por ese camino maravilloso de la creación.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. So much wonder and wonderful lines here. This part grabbed me, for sure:

    “I watched the solid tracks,
    derailed in an upheaval, an earthquake,
    truth turned upside down
    until it looked like a lie.”

    I really am pulled in with your poetry and swept away to that creative place!

    Like

  13. Hoyt says:

    Dearest Karima,
    I remember this poem when it was written. And as you know, I love reading your poetry, but love it more when you read yours and other’s poems. No one writes better poems about live and loss than you do. So touching! Thank you!

    Like

  14. Nelsapy says:

    Reblogged this on Nelsapy.

    Like

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