Drawing by Gino 2007
Preface: This is Chapter Three of a story, a book I began writing in 2007 in Jordan. I decided to not continue out of respect for the characters (both living and dead) It is a true story, my story and I will share it with you in a total of 5 chapters during this month of Ramadan. I hope you will take the time to read each installment. This is as far as I got. Many of you know now about Umahmad from my poetry.
This is how it all began.
Chapter Three
Crazy ideas tend to appear normal when backed by an entire belief system. When a culture places a seal of approval on an act or an institution, and when even in general conversation everyone seems to agree that something is accepted although perhaps usually only under extraordinary circumstances, then the unthinkable begins to be thought about.
When my husband and I were married a few weeks later, we went down to the Islamic Court to pick up the marriage book. I was curious to see one, this being my first, and nothing even similar was used in the West. It looked like a passport, and like all Arabic documents opened from the back to the front in the right to left style of its writing. The first page had my husbands details with picture and the second page had mine with a recent photo taken in a scarf by a small studio in Karak. I continued paging and in both Arabic and English were blank pages with the title “Second Wife “ Third Wife” and “Fourth Wife” I marveled. It was a concept so unheard of, something people made jokes about in Costa Rica, and I was struck by the oddness of facing the legal possibility that Osamah, if he chose, could marry three more times and it would be not only legal but accepted by, our religion, our society and the family.
At some point in my friendship with Umahamd, I found myself considering the real possibility that my domestic employee could be transformed into my husband’s second wife.
Her disadvantages, in his way of thinking , would be her age, 32, and her marital status married before with four children, and widowed in Iraq in 1992.
In Jordanian society it would not be considered proper or wise to marry a domestic employee It could reflect badly on the man’s judgment and as in everything in Arabic life, there was nothing done by one person without considering the effect and fall-out on an entire family, or even tribe.
I loved this about the culture. I saw many examples of it all through the years when I was living there. Selfishness was not allowed or promoted. Before any life changing decision was even taken to the second level of planning, most of the family would have been consulted about it. The elder grandparents having a real lobby on protocol. would influence in a persuasive way, what would be the best for everyone.
Many months before I approached my husband with the idea, I started making subtle hints as well as I could with my beloved friend. I fantasized that with Umahamd, I could really feel that my husband’s taking of a second wife, would still allow me to feel part of the whole marriage. The fact that we got along so well, and in a warm sisterly way loved each other, would only help to make a strong bond between the three.
It was true that society looking at it from a social point of view might wag tongues, from a religious point of view it could be seen as a great “hasana” a good deed, to give a widowed woman with four children, dignity, security and love.
She was after all, beautiful and her age still allowed her to give him many healthy children while she was still fertile. The twin girls, and two boys, would most likely approve of their mother re-marrying especially because then they would all gain legal status as residents, instead of fearing the look of a policeman, or patrol car, because they were illegal refugee immigrants, who at any minute could be tossed over the border into a now open war zone.
* * * * * * *
Umahmad poked me in the stomach with her index finger, and asked me accusingly,
“Wen boo boo ?” “Wen dem?” “Where is your baby? Where is your blood?”
She had all the right in the world to ask me this because she had been working for me several months and was getting impatient that I had not gotten pregnant again. Working in our house she saw no tell tale signs that I ever had a period, and she was now suspicious. She had no idea I had my uterus removed after Julian. My husband was in his late twenties, but I, his wife was almost 25 years his senior, and now almost past childbearing limits. To have no child in the Arab culture was to be totally forsaken by luck or good fortune. Children were welcomed, coveted and displayed as integral parts of any social occasion. There was no concept of “leave the children at home, babysitters for an evening out. If you had been blessed with six children, those six children would cram into the backseat and go anywhere and everywhere with you, They would be welcomed with kisses and open arms by their relatives and family friends, who opened their doors and their kitchen to all who arrived.
Umahmad was in the kitchen with me that Ramadan evening right before the fast breaking meal of fatoor. We had invited the immediate family, which included, nieces and nephews and added up to about 25 people. Even with her working side by side, it was a push to have it all ready by 5pm and I couldn’t get into answering her questions on “where my boo boo or my blood was”
“Later we will talk about this okay? “Badén later”
“He will find other wife if you don’t have children. You know that?”
“Yes I know that. “Wen bigdona?”(Where’s the parsley?)
“Why don’t you marry him? I said casually, “I would say mush musquile (no problem)”
“You mean for real? You would have no problem with me as his wife?”
“No, I wouldn’t but let’s get this food on the table and talk about it later”
Umahmad stood standing in the kitchen with a heavy circular platter , piled with a rice and chicken dish called “kebsah” It must have weighed 10 pounds, but she held it like a frisbee, and she looked at me. She read me inside and out, and I think she was searching for me to laugh, or me to say “bes kithib”( I was just joking).
“I come back we talk more on this” and she rolled into the guest-room where guests were already starting to arrive.
I considered what I had just said, but I realized I was serious and if I had to share my husband, wasn’t it better to do it with a tried and proven friend instead of an enemy, or a young usurper, who would come in like a lamb, and then strategically plan my demise? Even if it was on the books that a man could have four wives, no beautiful, self respecting young woman would want to come in as the second. Some, who thought it might be hard for them to marry for circumstances of education, family back ground or simply because they lacked beauty and charm, would outwardly say yes to honor and obey the first wife, while behind her back , they plotted her exit, hopefully through a final divorce, and ma3 salaama good bye wife number one.
It was maybe two minutes to the adthan calling the Maghreb prayer
(sunset prayer) from the mosque’s loud speakers, that would signal the first meal of the day, as the sun was setting, was now allowed to eat.
“Umahmad?”
“Shoo?”
“Would you marry my husband?”
“La” and she shrugged her head NO
“For me? Ashani? Would you do it for me?”
“Nam” for you I do it”
“I would die for you habeebiti. I will marry your bad husband. I will protect you
and give more children to him. Anjad, really I do that for you By Allah I say I would die for you. I take care of you like my own eyes.”
I laughed, “Habeebiti and I put my arm on hers, You don’t have to die for me. Just make a nice home, bring more children to our marriage and be my friend.”
She opened the oven door and got down on her knees.
“What are you doing? Get up! The Adthan is about to call”
She stuck her head in the oven and pantomimed the twisting of the dial as if she were turning on the gas.
“You see? He hurt you or I hurt you. Look I do this” she let herself slump onto the open oven door, as if intoxicated beyond return.
Just then the call of the adthan sounded out, and my husband appeared in the kitchen doorway,
“What are you two doing? The salads are not served. Everyone wants to eat. Where are the dates? He glared at Umahmad who pretended to be cleaning something on the inside of the oven door with her scarf.
“ Get the dates. Clean up afterwards”
We held in the spontaneous laughter until he was out of sight, then we fell into each others arms, laughing quietly but with the hysteria of two schoolgirls just busted by the principal. The imam called all to prayer, the smells of food warmed the house and I felt new possibilities rise in my chest. I felt a love I could not easily describe, and I let so many scenes play out in my mind, the night Umahmad and I shoulder to shoulder served his loving family their first fatoor in our brand new apartment.
To Be Continued…
Chapter One Can Be Found Here
Chapter Two Can Be Found Here
Digital Rabbit Hole 
Every chapter of this story is more amazing! And so beautiful and true. “Where’s the parsley?” indeed!
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Smiling big! It makes me so happy that you are enjoying it Dale. I now am glad I am telling it after so many years of being hidden away in an old hard drive. Your enthusiasm is very inspiring:) Stay tuned……
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this is such a wonderful telling! 🥰 i am fascinated by cultural differences & love the first person stories of such interactions & discoveries: you bring it alive so well!🤗👍🏼🌎🌏🌍 it really is a great story! i am happy to know more, especially about the family life & that which differs so from our western approach. thank you, dear friend, for sharing such a transformative & eventful time of your life.❤️😘❤️
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Ohh my soulkin thank you for such a deep appreciation of this story. I too was fascinated by so many cultural differences, but it was so easy for me to accept most of them(honor killing being an exception)I think that is how destiny works..when it’s destined, it becomes easier. Thank you so much for immersing yourself into it. This comment really encourages me on….big hugs to you dear J. You left me feeling almost radiant today:) 🤗🌙🌟❤️🌹
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❤️👍🏼🌹👍🏼🌹👍🏼❤️
😘always😘
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And the plot is picking up speed… I love this tale of a true adventure! Can’t wait to read more. Big hugs! ❤
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Awww thank you so much Joey for following it along..and so glad you are loving it Woooooots! That’s pure inspiration for me:) big big Hugs!! 🤗
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WOW WOW WOW! Karima I was blown away by this…the story and the beautiful way in which you portrayed it. THE DETAIL OMG! I love the conversational elements, it was truly like reading a favorite book. Thank you for sharing more of your story, I know it’s not easy but you do it so authentically!!! Can’t wait to see where the next chapter goes, my dear friend! You have a gift and we are all captivated 🤍🤗
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Awww you have a gift for making the best comments my sweet friend Grace.. I love how you are reading it, feeling it, looking forward to more..I’m feeling very good too about doing this now after almost after 16 years of just hiding it away. Your wonderfully positive and point of view your way of seeing this unfold…wow just so encouraging for me. I am so glad you like the first person conversational parts too. I really wanted to try to capture the process of bonding that grew and lasted for years!! ❤️🌙🤗
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I love the way the vibrancy of the culture here leaps off the page through the description and especially the wonderful dialogue! These final lines truly captivated me: “the smells of food warmed the house and I felt new possibilities rise in my chest . . .” I felt the possibilities rising in me as I read and loved that. Gorgeous, Karima! ❤
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Oh wow Layla such a wonderful comment, thank you! It really thrills me to see how you immerse in my chapters..and yes everything was so new and unknown then..Hope was like a butterfly showing us how things might change for the better, for us all… Thank you thank for your beautiful enthusiasm! ❤️ I am so honored you are reading my story.
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☀️ ❤️ ☀️
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Stunning story my dearest Karima.
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Thank you so much Gabriela for reading this chapter three. I know you have been very busy and congratulations to you and Literary Revelations for publishing the new poetry book by Swarn Gill!! 🎉
When you have the time, I recommend starting from the beginning with chapter one and two. This is how a special muse of mine became who she was for me:) I hope you enjoy it all.🌹
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And now it’s getting more exciting Karima🌹🌹🌹
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Aww thank you Mich:) Glad you are still enjoying it:)
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Karima I love this Chapter ❤️ I cant wait for the next one!Thank you for sharing your life story it is so interesting❤️
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Oh Maggie that makes me feel so glad I am sharing it with you. A reader like yourself is a total joy and thank you for your generosity to tell me this. I will post the 4th Chapter next Wednesday Inshallah.
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I look forward to reading my friend 🙏it is an absolute pleasure and honour to read 🙏I will bid you goodnight from Scotland 🏴
Hugs ❤️
Maggie
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Gorgeous, Karima.
BTW, I am familiar with all of the Arabic words in this chapter, but haven’t heard “nam” before ~ is that a form of “yes”? Like “eye-owa”?
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Hi David yes.. we use both, but I should have written it “na’am” and she used this form more. I am so glad you have enjoyed it so far. It must feel a bit familiar to you in some ways..:) Stay tuned Chapter four coming soon:)
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Quite a twist Karima and the plot thickens.. I always say I don’t need to go to movies or watch T.V. because my life is has it’s own drama of it’s own. Your stories are ones of movies and story tales coming to life. It’s a real adventure! 💞
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Aww Cindy, I suspected you life was quite a big screen script too:) It’s funny, even when I was right in the middle, living it all, I was seeing it from a theater chair and thinking..Oh my? Who would believe this?
This experience, these years in Jordan taught me, that sometimes real life is stranger than fiction ever could be. Thank you so much for following along. Next chapter coming up in a few days:)
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The little introduction in the beginning really set this third part well. By knowing what is and is not acceptable in a particular society, the reader understands where you’re coming from, and can place the decisions of the character (you) in the right perspective. I for one feel at home with the culture somehow, being in a country where so many religions flourish (not without their frictions though), so its an account I can really fully enjoy. Your suggesting Umahamd to be a second wife to your husband tells so much more about you. No insecure woman would do it, for any reasons. Maybe she would accept it if forced upon her, but suggesting it herself… wow. And it tells how much more Umahamd meant to you than your husband himself. You were willing to pay any cost to have that relationship a permanent status. Wonderful reading it… see ya after the next part, my friend.
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Ahhh I dig into your comments, like a 6 -course 5 star meal, Sundaram:) I am glad you approve of the intro. I felt it necessary, especially for readers in the West. My father-in-law used to call me with admiration, “The best of believers” because before I had even married, I had accepted that as I could not have more children, after 5 years, I would allow my husband to take a 2nd wife. Something you said my friend, resonated with me very much: “And it tells how much more Umahamd meant to you than your husband himself. ” How very perceptive you are to see that truth (It was the truth) in this chapter. I truly was “You were willing to pay any cost to have that relationship a permanent status. ” By then I would do anything to not lose her and keep her in my life. I felt she was “min Allah” from God, a gift a destiny written with my name on it and you know…even as it all turned out, I see even more the truth in that, but not the way I had imagined it in the beginning. Stay tuned until Wednesdays Epilogue to put it all together. Thank you again for being such a meticulous, sensitive reader:)
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You mention a very interesting issue for the UK about marriages. The laws have recently been amended so that a person recognized as following the Islamic faith who has one wife in the UK may not marry a second person who is not in the UK and use the marriage as a reason for gaining entry. Even more recently alteration of laws relating to benefits have changed, so that only one wife may claim a pension based on her husband’s payments for national insurance / social security.
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How interesting! Sorry David, just saw this comment.. Thank you so much for reading and following along.
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Wow, I’ve just read this chapter & I’m like WOW…such a huge cultural difference…that marriage document with place for 3 other wives…interesting to read about the family life…the most beautiful part of your story is the beautiful bond between Umahmad & you…the beautiful & heartfelt storytelling of yours…even your joy & giggles can be felt whenever you write about her…and of course, the pain…I’m going to say it again that you’re an amazing storyteller, Karima..thank you for sharing your story – a glimpse of your life…captivating it truly is ✨💟💫
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Dear Naveen:) I guess in my mind I answered your beautiful comment, but it still needs to be put down here…so here it goes. I am so glad you are reading my story..it means so much and you know why..We actually started to get to know each other through exchanging our deepest relationships and sorrows too, and this one came up first when it was my turn:) So you know a lot, but now you will know a lot more and it is my hope, that my poetry that is dedicated to her (there are many) will take on an ever deeper meaning after you read this whole story. I have made a new category on my home page called “Gliding Beauty”. There you can find the next two chapters easily, without having to hunt for them. I am thrilled you are enjoying it. We can “talk” after you have finished it. Thank you for your deep appreciation Naveen..❤️🙏❤️
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Amazing story💕
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You are beautiful Karima💕 love your story
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Awww thank you my sister..I hope you were able to finish it. and sorry I just saw your comment.. it was held hostage in Spam:) Silly WordPress. Thank you for your kind words.. Allah ma3k.
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💕💕💕
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Such a great story! Holds me spellbound. I knew you were a great storyteller from you telling me stories verbally. Which by the way I value and hold close. But being able to read and reread your accounts like a novel, is a wonderful experience. Who knew your story writing would be as intriguing as your poetry? How did you get like this? You continue to be a complex Chinese Toy!
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Oh thank you so much for this beautiful comment Hoyt. You knew this story verbally, but now you will read it with more details and things will come to the surface, we might not have talked about. There is a Category on my front page, now called Gliding Beauty. You can find all the chapters there now as I finished the Epilogue (5th Chapter) right before the end of Ramadan. I can’t answer your question, about who made me like ths haha maybe just Life, being an only child and saying YES to each new open door.. Thank you for appreciating so much what I do..in all genres. You are so dear to me.
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Dear Karima this is a very interesting story and again I feel like I know the characters very well. The development of them is very well done. I was surprised you did not know about four wives, I did not know about this either. I can not imagine sharing someone I loved with another. Although I think there is a big difference between many men and their wives. I know many women who have husbands that don’t really talk to them. They don’t spend hours sharing everything and talking and laughing together. Many women share their lives with other women and during the raising of children especially as many men expect the women to perform all the household, and outside duties, even when they work. This builds resentment. Women are sensitive, intuitive and also empathetic. All men are not. I understand any woman who is lonely wanting someone that they can talk, laugh and share duties with and the helping to care of children. I only had one child because I did not want to yell, or lose my temper when I raised my child. I can understand how you wanted to share your life with someone who could be there for support. I think many women need the friendship of other women that they believe they can trust. It sounds like she was willing to do just about anything for you. It sounds like she was grateful to have found such a wonderful friend and would have done anything for you. What a great story teller you are Karima. Again, thank you for sharing your story with us. Blessings and love, Joni
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Dearest Joni, I am so glad you are feeling comfortable with my characters… Ah as far as the 4 wives goes, I did know about it of course. When Osamah who was much younger and I discussed marriage, I said I would be open after 5 years to allowing him to marry again, to have children, as I could not and knew I could not. What I had no idea about was there actually was one legal book, like a passport, that listed all four wives!! That was new to me:) Honest in Jordan you rarely see a man with 4 wives,..like almost never. This is more done in Saudi Arabia and the Gulf countries. I know a few who have taken a second wife, and usually it is because the first wife is sick and can’t take care of her household as before. This is totally accepted as a valid reason to take a second wife, but interestingly enough, another valid reason is just falling in love with another woman. To not shatter the household and security of the children, this 2nd wife is allowed so that children with her will also be legitimate and the husband must provide equally for both wives, and all children. I know one case of this, but the first wife never accepted her and lived in her own house. The husband lived between the two homes. Very complicated and expensive, for this reason.. only men from wealthy countries like Saudi Arabia and the Gulf countries actually parade around town with the three or four wives. It’s so funny(ironic) that I was never a girl’s girl. I did have some close gf’s in highschool, but always felt more comfortable in the presence of men. In Jordan, the sisterhood is amazing..hard to survive without it and so in Jordan I learned the amazing fact, that I loved being around women…where before…not much. See you after Chapter 4 Big hugs and much gratitude for you leaving me these beautiful comments.🙏🤗🙏
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My pleasure reading your work, you are a beautiful writer and person. I am sort of a jealous person when it comes to my husband. I expect to be treated like we are literally one half of the other. I always think about Abraham who loved and married Sara but Sara was barren and then Abraham took Hagar as a concubine and there were all kinds of problems. God took care of Hagar and her son though. Anyway, I am glad to know that most men don’t choose to have more than one wife. Of course if you find some one you care about what a perfect situation if the husband is going to take a second wife. This is interesting because I am learning more about Muslim tradition. I am glad you had your wonderful friend Karima otherwise it could have been very lonely. Excited to read the final chapter today. Just got back in the house after having to leave for a showing. Big hugs and love, Joni
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Big hugs Joni… I look forward to your final impressions.. 🙂 Talk after the Epilogue:)❤️🙏❤️
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