My father died on April 18th, when I was eleven years old. This is the first poem I have ever written about that, and it is more than a few decades later. Every April since, I have felt like I might write something…and then I never do. It was time.
What does this have to do with SL? On my sim, LINC Island, I have made a family memorial and this is what is engraved on my father’s side. Through the wonders of our virtual world, I can lay flowers on his grave, even though I am thousands of miles away from where he is buried, and this year I will also place this poem.
Please take the time to click on the .mp3 link entitled April 18th by Karima Hoisan.mp3.
I composed the music for this too. Maybe enjoy is not the right word, but I hope you can feel this one, and I am sure some might even relate.
You once whispered this to me,
“We will have eternity,
so dry your tears,
and while you’re waiting,
live your life my daughter,
then come and talk to me.”
So much time has run behind,
my questions I had saved to ask
are not the ones, I had that day, when I was twelve
and you were lowered down into the ground.
But then you came to me in dreams,
You said, “Don’t touch me, I’m not yet real.”
I hover here because you are so young
and I am sorry I could not stay to see you grow.
So some days, I feel the bleak is calling out,
I feel tired of it all, and I miss you as if you’d died last night,
and eternity seems a long way off, an endless wait
and in some ways, I’m still that little bud too fragile.
Life has showered me with wild flowers
and sometimes bathed my hopes in hopeless rain.
An adult, I can still see the road that brought me here,
so I write new questions I would like to ask you on that day.
Does a girl ever grow up, if her father is not there to see?
Is she not a tree in the forest of first love’s loss, falling and no one hears her?
and history shifts to what it was not going to be
and really, as I get older, it’s getting harder for me to wait to see you.
I try not to cry, when someone stands in front of me and says your name.
I know that it’s approaching, that time, when once again I’ll be your little girl.
I want to tell you my mistakes, what made me laugh and why I was still crying.
To sit upon your lap and then, Oh Daddy!
all the time in the world is what you promised me.
April 14th, 2013
Rest In Peace, LINC Island