“Innocence” by Svetoslav Stoyanov

Letting my mind run backwards until it’s hard not to cry…
I know it’s the way; it is. All moves forward and we leave or get left behind.
We love and we lose sight, lose touch with all those who had one moment in our lives,
where they were playing the most principle roles:
Our parents, our first kiss, a husband…another husband…another husband?
Our babies who grow too quickly, a best friend, with that cancer that cut short her life. Holding hands, walking the cobble stones, dancing on the rooftop, warm desert night
I miss you

Some are still around, even after goodbye; they become wonderful intimate friends,
who knew us so well..and yet, that spark, that smoke and fire, has been put out under a  mundane blanket of the daily doldrums, the lost mystic, the over comfortable…Time.
I miss you

If I could remember them all, I would hang them in my window to see every morning,
to be reminded with each sunrise, how they all are still a part of me.
The sad parts, the scary parts, the tragic destinies, the unforgettable ecstasies,
Each has left a memory and…
I miss you

Those who inspired me to write and create and enjoyed every word that came from me
who saw so deeply into my process and who accompanied me with kindness, and loyalty and then..to be called to the other side on an early March night, so unexpectedly…
I miss you

All the ways I learned to love in my lifetime, altruistic, compassionate, urgently passionate…tender scenes and tear streaked cheeks, needed by the less powerful, than me, and my own vulnerability,
Those who were wise and kind, those who were troubled, defective and cruel
They were here and left some scenes I can replay…and now they are gone.
Even the hardest of hard times that we shared; I play them again and forgive them because
I miss you

What I’m trying to say is…
Thank you.. to all of you who were here right next to me.
Who laughed for hours, ran down the beach took my innocence from me.
Who brought me coffee before I knew I wanted it, sparked every emotion I ever felt, taught me something new and loved me unconditionally
Who obsessed and absorbed me, teased and danced with me,
hurt and was hurt by me, for all those no longer in my reach,
through distance or death or one-sided apathy…truly, I loved you and….
I miss you

Karima Hoisan
May 2, 2020
Pérez Zeledón, Costa Rica