The Pigeon Feeder

WhatsApp Image 2020-09-12 at 12.37.00 PM
The Pigeon Feeder

I know I should have said goodbye to you
so many times before today,
but I was a silly woman, always drunk on hope,
polishing her rose glasses for a better future.
Sometimes you made it so easy,
when you were the cruel ruler feeding pigeons,
only later to bake them in pies.
That smile on your face of total hypocrisy,
“Eat up, fatten up…. soon you will be my dinner.
Soon I will be done with you…and buy some more”

What kept me faithful to your faithlessness?
Even when you took a second wife;I really tried.
I welcomed her into our home, our bedroom, our life.
Always the quiet and submissive breeze, fluttering
through your house, dropping rose petals at your feet
at your locked bedroom door.
But like the painting on our wall, you kept me half starved,
one grain at a time, until I started fighting just to survive.
How easy for me to say, “Not another day!” and leave.
But it wasn’t…and I stayed another week, one more year.
{If I just give it time; maybe we could be truly happy…inshallah.}

But sometimes it is not in god’s plan and not even in a
woman’s or a man’s.
No matter how hard we force the puzzle pieces,
if they were not made to be; they will never fit,
never form the picture we hope to see, we strive to be.
Was it love that kept me down at your feet, serving coffee, life on my knees?
Was love so strong inside of me, I forgot to see and remember who you were?
I even forgot who I was.. in the end that was the biggest loss of all.
The day I actually, flew the coop, turned around and walked away,
I was overcome with this question, as I went, out the last time from your gate…
But why… did I ever stay this long?

Karima Hoisan
September 12, 2020
Costa Rica

El Alimentador de Palomas

Sé que debería haberte dicho adiós
tantas veces antes de hoy,
pero yo era una mujer tonta, siempre borracha de esperanza,
puliendo sus lentes rosados para un futuro mejor.
A veces lo hiciste tan fácil
cuando eras el cruel gobernante dando de comer a las palomas,
solo después para hornearlas en un pastel.
Esa sonrisa en tu rostro de total hipocresía,
“Come, engorda…. pronto serás mi cena.
Pronto terminaré contigo … y compraré más “

¿Qué me mantuvo fiel a tu infidelidad?
Incluso cuando tomaste una segunda esposa, realmente lo intenté.
Le di la bienvenida a nuestra casa, nuestro dormitorio, nuestra vida.
Siempre la brisa tranquila y sumisa, revoloteando
por tu casa, dejando caer pétalos de rosas a tus pies
a la puerta cerrada de su dormitorio.
Pero como la pintura en nuestra pared, me mantuviste medio muerto de hambre
un grano a la vez, hasta que comencé a luchar solo para sobrevivir.
Qué fácil para mí decir: “¡Ni un día más!” y irme.
Pero no fue así … y me quedé una semana más, un año más.
{Si tan solo le diera más tiempo; tal vez podríamos ser realmente felices … inshallah.}

Pero a veces no está en el plan de Dios y ni siquiera de una
mujer o de un hombre.
No importa cuánto se fuerzan las piezas del rompecabezas,
si no estuvieran hechos para ser; nunca encajarán
nunca formamos la imagen que esperamos ver, nos esforzamos por ser.
¿Fue el amor lo que me mantuvo a tus pies, sirviendo café, la vida de rodillas?
¿Era el amor tan fuerte dentro de mí que se me olvidó de ver y recordar quién eras tu?
Incluso se me olvidó de quién era yo … al final esa fue la mayor pérdida de todas.
El día en que volé lal jaula, me di la vuelta y me fuí
Estaba abrumada con esta pregunta, mientras salía, la última vez, desde su portón …
Pero, ¿por qué … me quedé tanto tiempo?

Karima Hoisan
12 de septiembre de 2020
Costa Rica

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7 Responses to The Pigeon Feeder

  1. daleinnis says:

    Very powerful! Personal, but at the same time I know lots of people will identify with it in some way.

    When does it stop being good to have faith and continue, and become time to move on? Always a hard question.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you..that is the hardest question.. we don’t want to be quitters, but also not fools and victims. Believing you still love someone , who is noxious for your health and sanity, is a high hurtle to overcome..but it can be done:)

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Difficult decision to make indeed. Tolerating sharing a husband that would not suit me I would be gone. It takes courage to walk away and realise you should have done it sooner. Now you have your freedom to be you. You did not need to humble or abase yourself to please or gain favour from another. Hard lesson

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Nanette for this comment. I always appreciate that you take the time, to actually read and understand my poetry. Comments like yours are tangible acts of generosity of spirit. You take the time to delve into the body of my poetry and share your opinions and even parallel experiences. This means a lot to me. You have great empathy and sensitivity, and I am very glad our blogging paths have crossed:)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think that is a very noble trait and many would not take the time to do that either.

    Like

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