I feel the Big Bang pushing from behind
so there is no staying still.
I got on this train my very first day,
and I’m still riding.
It’s taking me further out into the universe…
I know it’s really pushing systems and planets,
much bigger than me,
but I feel its heat blowing on the back of my neck.
It makes me go on sometimes,
even when I don’t want to;
all I can do is move forward, continually.
There is no swimming against the stream,
no standing still and saying I’m done changing;
I’m done moving, I will not take a sunrise today,
just leave my room in moonlight
and stop the universe in its kinetic loop,
pushing us forward, on our marathon journey,
through the stars… the months,
the deaths and births we see and touch
along our way….
Well… until death gets our attention
or knocks on our window
and pushes us through to another side;
where I imagine we do continue moving forward,
unless of course we just fall into the dreamless sleep.
When Death stops my train like a brakeman on the tracks.
I wonder if I will be ready, or caught off guard
in my star-burst ballet and just drop to the floor
more surprised than accepting?
I would hope, I could be gracious, right up to the end,
look Death in the face, smiling, because,
“What a run it all has been!”
Instead of fear and pleading,
pure gratitude and surrender…
and wave to him, to just climb on in.
October 7, 2020