Lone Rider

LoneRiderMachinimaCard                                        Photo by me, logo by Menubar Memorial



Please click to listen to me recite the poem to its music:)


Lone Rider

I’m looking for the song to find the words to start this poem
I have felt it wanting to come alive for days
but without the music the changes in the notes,
I know the words will hide themselves from me
leaving but a feeling that remains unexpressed.

How you marveled at my process,
that without music, I could not write a word..
Somehow the music frees the horses
from their paddocks and allows
them to gallop across the page..
and I am on top, the rider
with the melody flowing thru my mind
I am the singing cowboy of nostalgia
rhythmic hooves pounding out
every beat of my heart.

And to the music it does flow…

I know, none of us are ever -after.
Our songs end sometimes before
we’ve gotten to the bridge,
So I am left to remember you, as I wish to
and this is the one that breaks my heart
when I know I will never see you again.

Your many lives, your other selves
were never part of you and me,

I miss the one who rode tight by my side
through laughter and uncertainty,
the one who created magic so seamlessly
and brought joy to countless others,
we would never get to know or see.

As I set out alone, knowing I will never find
another to replace you…
knowing I am no longer two but one, on my own,
I miss that avatar, who brainstormed with me
and made it all look so smooth and easy,

That is the one that still haunts me in my dreams,
Natascha, you, my creative twin, now separated
from me and the living life… by death’s transparent veil.

Karima Hoisan
July 21, 2022
Costa Rica

 

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41 Responses to Lone Rider

  1. Joey says:

    You did find the words after all, dear Karima 🙂
    A beautiful if heartbreaking requiem, but it marks also the beginning of a new adventure. The Lone Rider — yes the logo fits you well, even though you’re not one to shut out the world. In a way we are all lone riders in our lifetimes, and now and then it’s good to remind ourselves that we can live, not only survive but also thrive through our own creativity. You’re doing great ❤

    Well done, Menubar 🙂

    Hugss, Joey

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you Joey 🤗… yes the words finally came…has been a struggle to transform pure feeling into the right words…Thank you my dear friend who knows this process well from all sides. I cherish your comment especially because of your own proximity to the subject.. Thank you for your belief in me too as a solo dabbler into the art of machinima. That means a lot plus..you are always my leading lady (or man hehe) depending what the script might call for. I know I can count on you. Hugs!!! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Jaya Avendel says:

    How beautiful and rich those last lines are! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. scottius says:

    Such a powerful tribute to your creative twin, whose presence still is all around us and lives on in your own work!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You know you made me cry:) but that’s ok Thank you Scottius for this beautiful sensitive comment.. I treasure it ❤️🤗

    Like

  5. daleinnis says:

    Lovely and so heartbreaking! You are the Lone Rider, but you’re never alone; we are all still here with you, and you are loved by many, including Nat, who will always be here in the worlds you and she made, and the memories she left with us.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh Dale, thank you for these words. You were very much part of our team, our tiny production company of 3 or 4:) I have now made a few attempts at machinima since I lost Nat… and although I am limited by software, hardware, and experience. I am sure I will keep trying… but each time I do, it makes me miss her more. I know you understand what I am saying…Thank you for your support always!!

      Like

  6. Rob Barber says:

    Loss and melancholy, a poem of mourning.

    Liked by 1 person

    • So nice to see you Rob on my blog. Thank you for leaving your comment….You are correct. Although 10 months after her death, it is no longer an ongoing process. but like a tidal wave it rolled in when I least expected it…triggered by my new logo . It is still a state of mourning that visits me..because her role in my life is irreplaceable..

      Like

  7. Deep and poignant. It’s hard to lose someone close to you. I know the feeling from the last two years, in particular. Sending you a hug, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Joyce..yes people are really irreplaceable..and when you lose them..sometimes it takes time for reality to set in and understand they are forever gone.. Hugs to you too!

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s been a tough lesson to relearn and relearn again, especially during the past couple of years. But that just makes it all the more important to treasure the people around us now, and to remember the impact those who have passed have had on us.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. “Somehow the music frees the horses
    from their paddocks and allows
    them to gallop across the page..
    and I am on top, the rider”

    Although the personal backstory comes clear in the second half of the poem, these lines are the metaphorical heart of the poem for me. Love these lines. And good to see another poem processing your creative partnership with Nat.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. These are stand out lines for me:

    Somehow the music frees the horses
    from their paddocks and allows
    them to gallop across the page..
    and I am on top, the rider

    They connect the music and horse metaphor. Of course, the biographical tribute emerges in the second half of the poem with its broodmare memory urging you to get on the horse of the creative act again. Good to see continuing to draw on your creative relationship with Nat, It’s still there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Chris for taking the time to analyze my poem and point out the part that struck you the most… I agree there are two parts to my poem, the first trying to prime the spring to flow, using my favorite, music, but it can’t be any music, and only I know when I have found it hehe. I think the division between the two is highlighted by this line,
      “And to the music it does flow…” because the music has been found and now the poem can “gallop across the page. I loved both your comments, each focusing on a bit of a different angle in the 2nd part. Thank you sincerely, for leaving me your thoughts. Yes, Natascha lives within me…I think Time will not change that, but with time, I learn to cope and continue on with my life:)

      Like

  10. KK says:

    Such a heart-wrenching poem, Karima! When you talk of Nat, it bounds to happen ..Our songs end sometimes before we’ve gotten to the bridge… Your voice is also full of emotions. Much love to this creative twin 💓💐🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh Kaushal, you have been witness to the creative goodness we produced together and the sad turn of events that stopped that cosmic partnership in its tracks. Thank you for your words..Yes this song definitely ended short of the bridge and yet, much good still remains to show for our years of creativity together. Thank you for this sensitive comment, It has touched me deeply.🙏🌹❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  11. swadharma9 says:

    separated, veiled, freed from physical constraints & paradigms, released into loftier realms: now ever present in a more refined & pervasive manner, interpenetrating & evolving. 🦋💃🏻🌹

    but never gone.🙏🏼 still there, quietly companionable.🙏🏼open to you.🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Navin says:

    You made me speechless for a moment when I read your heartfelt tribute to Nat…I didn’t realize that you’ve shared the audio as well…then I listened to you…I was not only speechless but I also was able to connect…your beautiful, deep & emotional voice says it all…Your Lone Rider logo has just gotten more beautiful & meaningful…but you know what, Nat will always be around in a formless form…the videos, the projects, the teachings, the learnings, the experiences, the communication, those moments, the respect & the love which you have for your creative twin…look at you, how you’re blossoming…the live poetry reading, the SL videos, the VR world…previously you were Randt & Hoisan… that torch is still burning through you…however, I do know that you miss Nat a lot…beautifully expressed emotions, my dear friend Karima 💫❤️✨❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dearest Navin…thank you for feeling this one so deeply.. I know love and loss are two things you know well and your sensitive heart shows through in this beautiful comment. Thank you too for taking the time to listen to it…In my case, when I record a poem, it’s because I feel it might communicate better the emotions..I don’t record them all as you know, but I think the author’s voice can pull you into another level..I know yours certainly does.. Thank you for saying I am “blossoming” I have made a few videos on my own and I feel they are worthy in their own right, just that (and you said it at the end) I miss that wild creative flow (feels like electricity) between two creative partners, who almost without speaking, understand each other. I have only had this once in my life..and it was with Natascha. She is irreplaceable and I would not even try to. Thank you my friend for your words..they mean a lot to me 🙏❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      • Navin says:

        You’re very welcome, Karima…Natascha is irreplaceable…Nat has “only” changed her body form…the spirit is very much alive…true, the author’s voice can pull one into another level when the author recites own piece…that’s what I felt when I listened to your beautiful voice…the videos that you’ve created are worthy of praise & respect…the result can be seen…it’s out there…the videos are absolutely amazing…that’s your potential & capability coz you’re very passionate…keep expressing & blessing us with your creativity, that has the touch of your personality ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

    • Incredible!! WordPress tossed your beautiful second comment…in the spam pile.. Navin!! I just saw it and rescued it now/ Wow and such a beautiful and inspiring comment. You have the gift of making me believe in myself///these words coming from you..well they are truly inspiring to me. Thank you my dear friend for helping me remember my own worth.. Nat is irreplaceable but she is gone in some form, and though I feel her sometimes, hear her exclaiming “What are you doing???” ha ha every time I question my judgement or my call in editing , her voice is hinting to me…”Look for a better way etc.. You are so understanding of me in this moment…Your words and support are beyond value for me…Thank you dear friend, poet, and just so much more ❤️🤗🙏

      Liked by 1 person

      • Navin says:

        WP has its own life…I’m glad you found my words in the end…as in I find & connect with yours, my dear friend ✨❤️💫🤗

        Like

  13. DzinWiz Babii says:

    Natascha’s impact on you is undeniable and though heartbreaking in the loss of Nat’s physical and creative presence, her ‘after-life’ is evidenced by the honor you bestow upon her spirit. Your poetic homage to the feelings that wash over you in mourning are truly an everlasting testament and I feel grateful to bear witness to this powerful dynamic that is so pure and honest and multi-dimensional. Your gift of expression is our benefit and inspiration for giving all that we can in pursuit of our passions. Gentle ((hugs))

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Ohh my Sissy…how well you know me, how well we know each other. Thank you for what you say here…I hear you loud and clear and yes I feel her “after life”in so many ways What we shared, our chats (that I have saved.) very few people are so lucky to have ten years of communication written down..but that’s how we did it, and it’s all still here. Reading them motivates me more than it makes me sad. You know I am grateful to have had her in my life…a once in a lifetime pairing of two creatives that just fit perfectly together. I felt the need to write this poem…there might be others that will ask to be born too..but I am in a new stage, learning to ride alone…and at least..I do love to ride:):) I also have so much support from people like you…15 years and counting our sisterhood means so much to me.. HUGS!!

    Like

  15. Jeff Flesch says:

    There is so much resonance in this beautiful write for me; I too write to music, always; it’s as if the words are magically transported through consciousness when the music starts. There is much pain in this poem too, of loss, of love, and of reminiscence. Your words always touch my heart and soul. Beautiful, Karima. ✨❤️🌹🤗🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much..and that tickles me to know we share a process
      : “Music to prime the words!! I have met very few who say they do that..so another reason for our kindred poetic friendship. I am still mourning Nat….it comes and goes in waves… will be a year soon in September, but she is irreplaceable for me…so I have stopped trying and have “set out on my own” so to speak. Thank you Jeff, for allowing my words to touch you…You are such a sensitive poet and a wonderful friend of mine and to the community.❤️🙏🤗

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jeff Flesch says:

        It tickles me too, it is not something I’ve come across often, it is rare, I think, and makes me super smiley to know. It doesn’t surprise me either, due to our connection, as you write. Ah, I can feel the mourning in your words. I’m so sorry, Karima, yet I also know it is a process, and sometimes it takes a long time. It’s aways a great pleasure, my dear friend, always. Your friendship means the world to me. ❤️🙏🤗

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Samreen Asad says:

    Habeebity, your words are so heartbreaking yet so beautiful filled with love. My heart is full listening to your mellifluous voice and poignant words. What a tribute to her!

    Like

    • `Habeebity! How wonderful to read your comment!!
      i hope you are well inshAllah. Thank you for your sweet words. This s poem has tried to come for days,,,until finally this simple melody brought it out of me. I miss her..I miss working with her…work with Natascha was never work, but pleasure/ A once in a lifetime creative partnership…but I am grateful, so grateful, I had this..but I will see what I can do…on my own now. Big hugs Samreen.. and another for Little Tornado:):) Much love to you, Allah ma3kum habeebity ❤️🤗🙏

      Like

      • Samreen Asad says:

        It’s always a pleasure to read and listen to you Habeebity ❣️Yes dear all good, Alhamdulillah. I can truly understand your bond with her dear. May Allah always bless you. Big hugs and love to you too 🤗🤗❣️❣️ little tornado hugs you back🤗

        Like

  17. marcdbaker says:

    Karima, Karima, this poem hit me like an arrow through my heart from ORION’S BOW !
    It made me feel the same way I felt when I saw the SOUTHERN CROSS for the first time in the Heavens. You are ” killing me softly with your song ” STOP IT ! WHO ARE YOU ??
    You are making me crazy ! STOP IT ! NO… DON’T STOP, DON’T STOP !!!
    marc

    Like

    • Oh marc,,now you blew me away with this comment….wild, free-flowing, impulsive and without brakes . i love it,,,thank you and I feel in your words a strong connection to my own. Thank you my friend. 🙏🦋🌹

      Like

  18. jonicaggiano says:

    Your beautiful voice accompanied by the words you have written here are magical. I can see the two of you riding close by one another. Having done my share of riding it is a freeing experience and sharing that with someone is special in itself. “No longer two but one,” that is a heartbreaking line dear Karima. The words are so very beautiful. You expressed your loss in such a way that I felt it so strongly.

    “I am the singing cowboy of nostalgia
    rhythmic hooves pounding out
    every beat of my heart”.

    There is no timeline for grief and no way to rush it either. I too write by inspiration of music very often. Your voice is such wonderful way to express your work Karima, as you have such a beautiful voice. I am glad you have so many wonderful memories about the person you love. I really enjoyed your sharing this very intimate piece with us. The music was perfect too. I am sending my love to you my friend. The ending was beautiful but also I could feel and hear the pain in your beautiful voice. Blessings to you my dearest Karima. Love Joni

    Like

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